That One Time I Faced My Fears

After all the EFY kids went home, and the counselors had their business meeting, and we all took a nap:), a group of us went to this place called Panther Falls. It was awesome, except for the fact that the water was FREEZING. I put my toes in the water and shivered. I was determined not to go in the water. As a matter of fact, I watched all my friends jump in the water, jump of cliffs into the water, dive into the water, and slide into the water.

I kept my camera on me and got some great shots. But I told them I wasn't getting in. As the hours passed, I started wondering if I should go in the water. I knew that if I didn't go in, I would regret it, so my friend Ariel grabbed my hand and we jumped in together. It was beyond freezing! I honestly, and literally, had trouble breathing at first because it was so cold. Ariel kept saying "Are you okay?! Are you okay??" I kept nodding but I seriously thought I was gonna die. Finally I was able to breath and the water was so cold and I was so numb that I couldn't feel my body any more. Which was good because I was able to stand staying in the water.

I swam over to the waterfall and sat there on the slippery rocks with the other counselors and just kept saying "I'm so glad I decided to come in the water". Ariel, Hollie and MaKenna just smiled.

It was one of the neatest things I've ever done.

Hollie, MaKenna, Whitney, Karl, Kristen, Me, Sean, Christian

Ariel, Me, Melanee

Me and Ariel

Me and Ariel

Hollie, MaKenna, Me, Melanee, Ariel

Christian, Hollie, Kristin, Whitney, Dax, Megan, Will, MaKenna, Karl, Me, Ariel, Melanee, Sean

Co's! MaKenna and Me

Co's! Sean and me

Whitney (health counselor), Kristin (building counselor), Me

Megan, Ariel, Hollie, Me

Anyways, that's all for now. More confessions to come.

- J

That One Time I Was Scared Out Of My Mind

So last weekend on Saturday, I drove over 3 hours to Buena Vista, Virginia where I was going to have training for EFY. After driving the 3+ hours, I unpacked and moved into my dorm room, and then headed to training. It was LONG. That's for sure. Training started at 2 and by the time we finished training, dinner, and dance instruction it was at least 8ish. I was exhausted by the end.

Sunday night I met my co counselors and got the list of girls I would be over. I just felt an overwhelming love for these girls I hadn't even met yet. It was amazing. Unfortunately, I was also scared to death. I was making myself sick I was so scared. I was more nervous than excited, and that should never be the case. I talked to my BC (Building Counselor- the counselor over a group of counselors) and told her my concerns. She did a decent job of calming me down, but I was still nervous. That was until I met my girls. The second I met them all fear left me and we got along right away.

After getting to know my girls, we met up with another group of girls who's counselor was MaKenna, who were also in our company (group of kids- boys and girls- who are together for the week as a makeshift family). We then went to our meeting place and met our boys (who's counselor was Sean)! The girls were nervous, and so was I. They made comments about how they didn't want lame boys, and I told them that whatever they were thinking about the boys, the boys were probably thinking about the girls. Turns out the girls and guys got along great! They just meshed well.

Somehow this obsession thing started... Let me try to explain. My girls (and some of my guys) developed this love for the Health Counselor Karl. Every time they saw him they'd whisper things like "I need mouth to mouth resuscitation" or "I'm hurt, I need Karl" or "I have a broken heart, Karl, come fix it" OR they'd do things like eat a lot of pizza then jump up and down on their bed or at one point they even built a human pyramid and collapsed on each other so Karl could come rescue him. They said he looked like a ken doll...  One day, during the variety show, every time Karl got up to help move things the EFY girls (and some guys) would scream "KARL!" in their high pitched voices. Their love turned to obsession. But it wasn't really creepy... It was more like HILARIOUS.

Our company name was from Isaiah 29:13-14 and we were called "Fear Towards Me". Games night was when our company bonded really well. Through all the games, my company worked together and would strive to win. But, they wanted to have fun more than win, so even when they lost, they just laughed and tried harder the next time. Games night really unified our company.

After games night was Pizza night! My girls really wanted to join with MaKenna's girls. So we asked our BC Kristen if it would be okay, and she said yes! So, all the girls gathered together and we had a blast! Ate lots of pizza, talked lots about boys and COWs (crush of the week), and acted like a bunch of crazy people.

Thursday was the "spiritual day" where we started off with gospel study, then had a young women's activity, then had a morningside (a morning fireside (supplementary, evening meeting)) followed by a variety show and then a musical program/fireside. To end the day, we had a testimony meeting where the youth had the opportunity to bear testimony of what they believe.

Overall, it was a fantastic week. These youth were amazing and ever so inspiring. They taught me so much and I owe them for the lessons they shared with me and taught me. I was so lucky to have the group I had, and be in the company I was in. Being with Sean and MaKenna was a true blessing. They are two of the most amazing people I've ever known.

Me, MaKenna, Sean

 They liked to make fun (in a nice way) of my "nervous face". They said I was super easy to read because I'd always make certain faces to describe exactly what I was feeling. This face was the classic face I made- so we got a picture of the three of us making "the face".

Me, MaKenna, Sean

I just don't know if my second week can top this AMAZING first week. So, ladies and gentleman from "Fear Towards Me", if you're reading this, thank you for being so incredible and inspiring. It meant the world to me.
Anyways, that's all for now. More confessions to come.

- J

That One Time I Drove Pretty Far

I've been excited for months for EFY. This is my dream job, as I've told so many of you. I loved EFY as a participant. I had some of the most amazing experiences. I thank the Lord for that, but I also thank my counselors for their guidance and love. I know from personal experience how the love of a counselor can make all the difference.

One year at EFY I had a counselor who at first was the perfect counselor. She talked with me and let me confide in her. She invited me to her room to talk, to hang out. She motioned me over and took hundreds of pictures with her camera of us. She ran up to me and danced with me at the dances. She put so much effort in making me feel loved, and I really bonded with her. But it didn't last forever. The second EFY is over she stopped talking to me. Then I heard from my sister's friend that that counselor talked crap about me and said all these terrible things. What did I do to deserve that? Answer? Nothing. So, why did it happen? Well, I wish I knew.  All I know is that broke my heart and yeah I've grown from it, but I still haven't full recovered from that. I still have major trust issues because of her. It still breaks my heart just thinking about it.

What did I learn from that? I don't want to be one of those counselors who pretends to be one thing, but it completely someone else. And I don't want to be one of those counselors who talks bad about any of her girls. So I decided. I am going to think the nicest things about each of my girls, and I'm going to love them. I'm going to take care of them.

So here I am, sitting in my dorm room on my bed and I am thinking. It's been a few years since I've been here at SVU, but being back here, I'm close to tears... I just feel so heart broken because of that experience I had. Why haven't I gotten over it?... I have no idea. All I know is that I don't want to ever fail these girls. I won't let one of those girls feel the pain I still feel.

But that doesn't mean I am not nervous, and it doesn't mean I'm not scared. It does mean that I'm not going to let anyone down though. I have faith in myself. I can do this.

So, have any advice for me? Anything you think I can do to be the best kind of counselor? I'd love to hear from all of you.

Anyways, that's all for now. More confessions to come.

- J

That One Time I Stressed A LOT.

So, a few days ago- Thursday to be exact, I got an email from a girl named Kayla, who is the coordinator for EFY. While reading the email I happened to notice that the report date for EFY was a whole week sooner than I was planning on, sooooo I frantically double and triple checked the calendar and freaked out for like 3 hours. You see, I had doctor's appointments, and an MRI scheduled, and a lot of free time to work on my independent study class, and I was going to sing in my ward's sacrament meeting... It was all fun and dandy until I realized I had just over a week, just 9 days, to get EVERYTHING done.

Everything I thought I'd have 16 days to do. And for some reason 16 days felt like a month, and those 9 days have shrunk down to 6 days and it feels like I'll be gone tomorrow. So, in these 6 days, I have to study for my midterm, get an MRI, go to a doctor's appointment, have a photoshoot, take that midterm for my class, go out for dessert with one of my best friends, aaaaand pack. Pack, you say? Easy peasy, right? WRONG. I have to pack for a month of EFY, and pack for college. If you know me at all, you know I own a thousand pairs of shoes, and 2 chest of drawers plus a closet full of clothes, a guitar, a keyboard, and a whole heck of a lot of junk that I really really like:) How am I going to fit all that in 2-3 suitcases? I HAVE NO IDEA.

And why do I have to pack for all that now? Because I'm going to EFY for 5 weeks and when I return I have less than 12 hours to pack (and sleep) before I fly to Utah to do another 2 weeks of EFY in Provo. So I pretty much have to have everything ready to go so I'm not having a panic attack while feeling more and more stressed.

Oh, and a side note- The doctor's appointment I have is to see whether or not I will have to continue on chemo for the next 6 months. Jaw drop? Mine did too when I was told I might not be done with chemotherapy. That would be THE worst. Seriously. So, I'd appreciate it if you'd fast or even just pray for me tomorrow (when I have the MRI) and Tuesday (when I meet with my oncologist). Your thoughts and prayers during this very overwhelming time would be very much appreciated.

So, thank you for your continued friendship and love. You mean the world to me.

Anyways, that's all for now, more confessions to come.

- J

That One Time I Didn't Update My Blog... again!

Well, it sure has been a while since I last wrote, hasn't it?? I apologize. I guess I decided that my life wasn't worth writing about. If you know me at all, you probably know that is not the case- that I just let the downs in life take over and well... I went two and a half months without letting you know how I was feeling, what I was up to. But that's gonna change. I promise. I'm sick of feeling down and sorry for myself for no good reason. I happen to love life! And I want that to show in my blog:)

So, what have I been up to the past few months?? Mainly just working on my independent study class (D&C) and prepping for EFY. OH! I don't think I ever told you that. Did you know that starting in 3 weeks I will be an EFY counselor?! For approximately five weeks in Virginia at Southern Virginia University, then I fly out to Utah where I'll be an EFY counselor for two weeks in Provo! Isn't that the best ever?! :) While I'm an EFY counselor, I'll post every weekend with updates so you know how it went, and how it's going. I'll also try to post pictures of my group and my adventures.

Well, I did something kind of neat recently that I'd like to share! I had the pleasure of going with my good friend Ariel Stong to a New Kids On The Block and Backstreet Boys Concert the other night. It was brilliant. We were in a sky box and there was all this free food and it was awesome!

Anna, Ariel, Me at the start of the night!

Ariel, Anna, Me

Me, Ariel being silly

Jordin Sparks!

Me, Ariel, Anna :D

Me, Ariel, Anna all being weird

New Kids On The Block

NKOTBSB

Backstreet Boys

Me with NKOTBSB

Anna, Me

NKOTBSB w/ Confetti

Anna, Ariel, Me at Metro

Real crowded metro on the way home.

Ariel, Me, Anna

Awesome, huh?? :) It was the best night I've had in months! We rode Metro into D.C. to Chinatown where we walked to the Verizon Center for the concert. We got to the entrance where security nearly gave me a heart attack when they told me my camera was too big to take in to the concert. I spent a few minutes convincing them it wasn't some fancy camera, that it was just a digital camera, and finally some superior came over and explained the camera lens was under three inches and I could in fact take in my camera. Whoooooooo. Sigh of relief! We went up a level and found suite 213 where we would be viewing the concert. There were hot dogs, and chicken wings, and sandwiches, and vegetables, and sodas, and shrimp. It was incredible! There was also a lot of wine and beer and people were drinking a lot. It was insane. Don't worry, I didn't drink ;) Anyways, the concert started and Jordin Sparks (from American Idol) opened for NKOTBSB. She was amaaaazing! When the show was over, we crammed into the most crowded I've ever seen the Metro, and headed back home. What a night! :)

Anyways, that's all for now. More confessions to come.

- J