I've realized recently I don't have anything I am passionate about. I go through "phases" (you have heard of them I am betting) of enjoying something but after a week or so, that so called passion is gone, and by gone, I mean I either could care less about it, or am too frustrated to continue.
I have tried sketching- I am quite good, but do not have the patience.
I have tried writing music- I am talented, but don't have the dedication.
I have attempted becoming a master chef- but I don't have the money or equipment to continue.
I have considered instruments- but I am mediocre and have realized that's all I'll be.
I can sing- but just because I have a "unique" voice doesn't mean I will make it anywhere.
I have written poetry, learned new dances, raced and ran.
I have sewed, and read books, and tried to juggle.
I've attempted to become passionate in school, or with my work.
But when the week is over I have realize there is another talent I don't have. I don't need a million talents, (I mean that would be nice, but its not a big deal.) But I need to be passionate about something... Everyone needs passion. As Nelson Mandela explained, "There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. " Obviously I need to think bigger... find something that I can help change, that can change me.
"I don't know what life will bring tomorrow
But I want you there next to me
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
But I'll remember you and me."
The only thing I can remember truly being passionate about are a few certain boys. Some were mentioned in my HATE for boys post, but others remain unmentioned. There are times a certain boy will occupy my every thought. Everything I do will be with them in mind, either to please or impress them. When I am fortunate, sometimes being myself is good enough to please and impress a boy, and that is when I get super happy. I am not saying I can only ever be passionate about boys.. but so far, they seem to win in the whole passion department.
Is it depressing or what that even Donald Trump understands this? "With out passion you don't have energy, with out energy you have nothing." And I really believe that. Without passion, and something to work towards, you find yourself sitting around doing nothing. Before you know it, you have no energy to do things with your friends, or family. You feel like being a lone, even though the emptiness eats at your soul. You end up with nothing. So it is not only nice to have passion, it is necessary as Blaise Pascal mentioned. "Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care."
The following 3 quotes impressed me:
Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.
Oprah Winfrey
But how are we to know what excites us if it feels as if nothing does?! Well...
We must act out passion before we can feel it.
Jean-Paul Sartre
Okay, okay. Well said. But still what should I choose to "act out". What if I waste time on a potential feeling of passion?... What could I even be passionate about?
Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.
Soren Kierkegaard
Yeah, SLAP to the face. How could I not have seen this? Understood this? FAITH is the HIGHEST passion in a human being. I guess there is something to be passionate after all.
BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS HERE- I have got to find something to be passionate about that I can do when I have a hard day, or focus on when I am bored.
So I just talked to my friend Natalie and realized there are a few things I am passionate about... #1 Teaching Sunday School (as much as I hated that calling, I secretly miss it). #2 Ballroom dancing (it gives a thrill nothing else does! especially after mastering a step). #3 Public speaking (or talking in general, I love talking). #4 Basketball! (But after a while, I feel like i've seen the same plays, moves, and scores... It gets boring.) and #5 BLOGGING. (Life isn't as good unless people read and comment on my blog. I feel like that is the one thing I look forward to each week. First posting on the blog, then reading all the comments. I tend to get kinda sad when I see no one comments on a post. If all else fails, just say hi so I know you read the post. :)
So why are these not passion enough? I can't teach anymore, I am in too much pain constantly to ballroom dance anymore, people are sick of listening to me talk, basketball has gotten boring, and i'm running out of things to blog about.
I'm lame. I know. But "Man is only great when he acts from passion" (Benjamin Disraeli). So I guess I am not so great... Get over it :)
Oh, and p.s. If you have any ideas of what I can be passionate about, please comment and let me know. THANKS.
One more confession from this teenage drama queen... More to come.
- J
i think your problem with not being passionate about anything is that you aren't patient enough and you don't dedicate yourself to anything because you like being lazy. you have to work hard at something to learn to love it. i really believe that.
ReplyDeleteanyway, here's a comment for you. love, me
I was worried all my life because I never really had anything I was REALLY good at. I dabble here and there, but honestly I just don't have anything that I'm amazingly talented at or interested in. It used to bother me. And then I read that President Hinckley was the same way. He liked to know a little bit about everything, but never had anything big. So if I'm like him, I'm okay with that. Plus, as I've gotten older I've realized that there are a couple things I'm very passionate about. The gospel of Jesus Christ. (You are too. You wouldn't be a celibate, non-smoking, non-drinking person if you weren't. :) My family. And, of course, I'm passionate about learning about and trying new things. That curiosity, in and of itself is a passion.
ReplyDeleteMy thought is this: you are just entering the world of adulthood. You have TIME. I didn't realize my true talents and passions until I'd lived a little more as an adult (as in my late-twenties). I realize I still have a lot of time to learn and love things. And to realize I may have some talents I didn't know I had. You have time. You don't need to discover all your passions right now.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I loved your quote about faith being the greatest passion. And I agree with Janae that the Gospel can be a passion. Another powerful passion is serving others. That's one that won't waste your time, even if you don't go pro in it. :) Good luck!
I think that really, you are passionate about life, but you think that that has to include certain, specific things - there is so much to learn and love about life, maybe you should try to realize the joy in that. Try learning something new every day/week. Like random facts or how to make some really great meal or listen to someone tell you a story or about their day. If you make a goal like that you'll never run out of things to do, learn, or be passionate about.
ReplyDelete